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June 07, 2006

I Wish...

I have a confession to make – I sometimes cry. I know John Wayne was a man’s man and never shed a tear. I cannot image Tupac ever weeping, even with all he experienced. And I can still see in my mind the strong and resolute eye of President Reagan as he pointed towards that “shining city on a hill.” But tonight tested my already battered resolve. This last week and a half has been hard on me. With John Paul and Tim, and packing to leave my friends at Norwayne - the emotional roller coaster has been tough.

Tonight began with another terrific dinner in downtown Goldsboro with friends at Torero’s. While I was crossing the street afterwards, a young man came up to me and asked, “Do you remember me?” It is pretty common that the destitute come up to us asking for handouts after dinner so at first this one didn’t faze me, but he was different. Honestly the face and clothes looked too haggard, too dirty, too downtrodden for me to see the young boy who played football for us at Eastern Wayne High School only a few short years ago. The eyes didn’t shine with vigor, the energy level didn’t jump out, and the fire of life in its prime was waning. After he spoke the memories of an aggressive athlete who didn’t have an ounce of body fat returned. He was the kind of kid who would race headfirst into a brick wall if told to. I immediately made him aware that, “I have been seeing his name in the paper and that makes me very sad.” Some people feel I never really developed that whole tact thing really well. Fortunately the hardships he has faced have not caused him to forget that I always mean well. He confessed he had made some bad decisions. He suffered from addictions and was also HIV+. Literally I was frozen in my step. It stunned me. This kid is twenty maybe twenty-one. His bad decisions are going to end his life much sooner than it should be. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t have the words of wisdom that would guide him to a better life. All I could say is, “We all screw up, and all we can do is start getting better today.” I reached into my pocket and handed over the twenty-one dollars I had. I wish I had had more. I told him I would pray for him, and I really hoped he would start getting better. I don’t kid myself about where the money probably went. But it is not my job to judge, thank God! All I can do is hope and pray that the knowledge that there are people that care enough to offer a hand up is a motivating factor. He told me how much it meant to him, how much he had always appreciated me taking time with him in football, how "real" I was. That stung to my heart since I was trying to avoid eye contact with him when I was originally walking across the street.

I suppose we made such an odd pair standing on the side of the street that Mr. and Mrs. Lipcsak felt they should wait to make sure I was all right before driving off. I wasn’t all right, but good friends who are willing to look after you are a blessing. Pam said I was “being a preacher man again.” Far from it. I wish I were strong enough to build a shelter. I wish I were motivational enough that kids wouldn’t make bad decisions. I wish I were rich enough to pay for treatment for the many who are addicted. But alas, all I can do is make a small hand out, offer words of encouragement, remind him that people care, and pray. As we go through life, we never know what difficulties others around us are going through or how we touch their lives or just how they can touch our heart.

Posted by hlperson at June 7, 2006 09:01 PM

Comments

Posted by: Nicole S at June 8, 2006 02:58 PM

Posted by: Zsahne L. at June 9, 2006 02:54 PM